If you are a man who is the father of an unplanned pregnancy, you now have choices to make. Right now you may be shocked, feeling a little numb, or very much overwhelmed. We understand you are worried about your future and your baby’s future. It is important to know all your choices and choose the one which is best for you and one that is in the best interest of your baby.
We know your decision is a hard one, and we want to provide you with the information you will need to have in order to make an informed, educated decision. Remember that you do have choices, and these choices are a privilege. Take your time and carefully examine each of your choices. You might be thinking now…what are my choices? Well, you really have five:
- Single Parenting
- Dual/Shared Parenting
In making your decision, just remember that this decision will be a decision you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Lifetree would like nothing better than help you through your decision process and especially through your pregnancy. We don’t want you feel as though you are going through this pregnancy alone.
Single parenting is one of the most challenging jobs that any one person can undertake. It requires making decisions on a daily basis that affects not only the present situation, but also your future and that of your child’s. Although there are many outstanding individuals who have been raised by single mothers, just for this moment let’s focus in on you and your future plans.
- Are you ready to take care of this child’s health, safety, and wellbeing?
- Are you ready to be “tied down” and not be able to do what you want to do?
- Are you ready to juggle work and stay awake during the night for feedings?
- Is this child included in the dreams that you have for yourself?
- Are you financially ready for this child?
- Do you want your child to live in the same surroundings in which you live?
- Are you ready for your boyfriend, husband, or significant other to say “I don’t want to be involved?”
- Are you ready to parent this child alone?
If you have said no to any of these questions, please consider adoption. But, if you have answered yes to all of these questions, you will be a great parent! Enjoy loving your child and raising your child. Lifetree can provide you a list of community resources in your area that will assist you in your single parenting needs.
If you find that you are not “ready” to parent your child after he/she is born and you realize that you cannot provide all that you want for your child, you will not be a bad parent for placing your baby for adoption. It takes a mature, courageous person to come to that realization by putting your child’s well-being first. Please, contact Lifetree. We can help you choose the right Placement Plan. We understand that there will be a deep bond between you and your child at this point but putting your child’s well-being first and learning that you can’t give the things to your child like you would like, takes a very strong woman to say that she wants a better life for her child.
You and the baby’s Birthfather want to both parent this child together. That’s great! A child does need two loving parents. But, if you are getting married because of this pregnancy, you may be facing a long, tough, and bumpy road. There are many people who have gotten married because they were pregnant and are still married to this day. If you ask these people if it was easy, every one of them will say that it was very, very hard…a lot of giving and very little taking and little time to yourself. But, before you venture down this road, let’s discuss the first year of marriage.
- Are you ready to share everything about yourself with this person?
- Are you ready to share your space with this person?
- Will you be able to financially support yourself and this person?
- Are you ready to cook, clean the house, and do the laundry for yourself and this person?
- Are you ready to live with this person?
- Do you imagine your life 10, 20, and even 30 years down the road with the same person?
You may be saying yes, I’m ready for this person to know everything about me. Yes, I want to share my space with this person. Yes, I want to support this person every way I possible can. Yes, I want to take care of this person. And by all means, yes, I want to live with and spend the rest of my life with this person. Now close your eyes and picture yourself with this person. Do you picture yourself doing all of these things? Now add a baby to your picture. Are you ready to do everything for this person that you have said yes to and parent a child at the same time? If you say that you are ready to take on this responsibility…what a wonderful vision you have! You should be thankful that God has put that peace into your vision. Yes, God knows everything that you will be faced with and what decisions you will make in your life and has from the time you were conceived and will to the time you are laid to rest.
But if you answer no to these questions, don’t marry this person. During the first year of your marriage, trying to get to know your spouse and adding a newborn into the equation will put a huge strain on your marriage. No one wants to go into a marriage knowing that their child will be raised in a broken marriage sometime down the road. Before you make the decision about marriage, make sure it’s an educated one. Look at yourself many years down the road from now. Think of how your child’s life will be. If you don’t see yourself taking care of this person and a new baby at the same time, please consider adoption.
You both have agreed to parent this child without getting married. It takes a mature person, like the two of you, to come to that conclusion. You might be envisioning a less stressful time on your relationship when you alternate parenting roles for your child. When you are going to dual parent, make sure you come to the agreement on all things, such as:
- Whose turn is it to take care of our child today, whose turn is it tomorrow and so on?
- What are you going to do when you have plans for the weekend and it’s your turn to take care of your child?
- Who gets to spend which holidays with the child?
- Who is going to pay for what?
- Who will obtain health insurance for the child?
- Who will get to claim the child on their tax return?
- What will happen when one of you gets married?
There are many other questions too, but the two of you may have already thought through all questions and have made an agreement with one another. What a joy the two of you will have raising this child together! What a great relationship you have with one another.
Now, let’s take a look at your relationship with your boyfriend years down the road. What will it be like? Do you think the two of you will get along and be able to communicate with one another the same way you are doing now? Do you really think you can handle your boyfriend marrying someone else? Now, think about your child. Do you want your child to live in two different homes? Do you think it is fair for the child to float between the two of you? Now it is time for you to decide whether dual/alternate parenting is right for you and your child. If you feel that it is not time for you to parent your child or you don’t want to share custody of your child with the Birthfather, please consider adoption. Even if you don’t want to share custody of your child, the child’s Birthfather does have rights to his child.
For heaven sakes, please do not think this way. Yes, you do have the right to choose what is best for yourself. That’s why God gave you choices. Before you were born, God planned this moment in your life. God wants you to make a choice that you can live with and you can only live with your choice as long as you put him first. You may be thinking that you can handle an abortion at this time in your life and that all your problems will be solved. Yes, abortion is a quick way out of your current situation and it will allow you to be able to continue on with you life dreams and free you from the financial burden of parenting. But think about how you will feel many years from now:
- Will you regret your choice later on in life?
- Will you think that you will not be tormented by your choice?
- Will you be comfortable knowing you took a life?
- How will you feel if your abortion has left you from having children later on in life?
- How will you feel about missing the opportunity to see your child develop or see your child in the future?
- How will you handle the day when your child’s due date comes around; better yet, each time your child has a birthday?
- Do you think you will be smiling after you had aborted your child?
- Are you ready to have a lifetime of regret?
You may have a friend or know of someone who has had an abortion and ask them if they regret their decision. In your research, you will not find one person who has said…“I have no regrets and I never think about my abortion.” Before saying yes to abortion, Lifetree wants you to know the FACTS about abortion and the process by which it will happen. Ask your doctor the process he will be using to abort your baby. Most of the time, he will not tell you in detail what will happen to your baby.
Now, think of giving your child life. Giving life for your baby will allow you the opportunity to be “at peace” with the choice you have made not only for yourself but that of your baby, and it will give you the opportunity to know what your baby will look like. You may be saying…“I’m not ready to become a parent right now.” You don’t have to. You can select other parents for your child who will love this child as much as you do because you gave this child life. You know, there are many women who would love to be in your shoes right now. Please consider life for your child. If you place your baby for adoption, you will feel good about your choice. You will have a better outlook on life. You will have the opportunity of seeing your child later on in life or having the opportunity of knowing what the future holds for your child.